I was there this week for three new beginnings. Wide open eyes, unfocused and searching. Arms reaching, hands grasping and legs flutter-kicking. Two people looking at each other over a squirming, crying, angry wet baby.
"There is no word to describe how awesome you are"
"He is so perfect!"
"I love you"
"You're finally here. We did it, I did it"
As quietly as we can, we move through the room; not daring to disturb this sacred moment. We use dad's unattended camera to take a few pictures. They will see them later. The first moments of a new beginning.
"She knows your voice, watch how she turns her head towards you."
"Really?"
"Really. She has been listening to the two of you for the last nine months"
I stand for 12 hours every shift, have used my shoulder to brace a woman's foot as she pushed for 3 hours, ran for countless towels, blankets, cool cloths and warm cloths. I have charted until I thought I would lose my mind...then tried to count a fetal heart rate during labour and I knew I lost my mind (you try counting 180 bpm between contractions!). I have knocked over a stand of birthing balls, been lost trying to find the staff lounge and nearly contaminated a sterile field (I've only been to the OR once before). Listening. Counting. Accel or Decel? ROA or shoulder dystocia? Dilation and effacement, SRM, SVB, PNOB, LSCS...Oh not another acronym please!
I get home and I have blood on my shoe, my ankles are swollen, my hands are dry and cracked, I haven't used the bathroom in 8 hours and I didn't eat supper. My shoulders are killing me and I don't know 1/10 of what I need to know yet...but all I can really think about are those beginnings and how this is SO worth it.
