And another opens.

It's hard to write down what has been upon my mind. Truth be told - I'm not really sure I know myself. What I do know is this: dirt between my toes is healing, physical labor is my new meditation and nothing looks sillier then a dog who is smiling, swimming and carrying her ball all at the same time.

Attached to this blog is a photo I took last Thanksgiving at my grandparents house. At the time the image was purely sentimental. Although that nostalgia still persists, when I looked at this photo today something more symbolic looked back at me. Unfortunately, my fingers fail my mind which fails my heart who speaks only in feelings. I will puzzle this out and promise that if an epiphany should fall in my lap, I will share it.

In the meantime I offer you this closed door.

I left my heart in San Francisco.

I don't have much to say tonight, but I thought I would share some of the pics I took while in San Francisco.


Golden Gate Bridge in the fog.


The "Lone Sailor" statue at the Golden Gate Bridge.


A friend and colleague.


Down around Fisherman's Wharf.

More later, stay tuned.

Ode to a Foot

Oh Foot! I am attached to thee.
Yet I am footloose?
And fancy free?

Foot, you have 5 toes
Face, why do you have
only one nose?

Foot you smell like shoe.
Shoe, you smell like sock,
which is not new. Pew.

Foot, I think you are neat.
But what is better,
Is that I have two feet!

The Robin exists and I am filled with hope.

I am filled with hope. Hope springs eternal. I think about this and ponder on the phrase. Hope - Springs - Eternal. I have hope, spring is near and eternal. Hard to explain really, but spring feels eternal. It is the season of hope and is thus always within the hopeful. Therefore, I am compelled to love spring and remain hopeful.

I have a book at home called "If I played My Life: Poems by people with schizophrenia". The Schizophrenia Society of Alberta - Calgary Chapter was heavily involved with the publication of this book, which was published in 1998 by Bayeux Arts Incorporated, who have an office here in Calgary. I present to you a poem which strikes me deeply.

Man's Works
I am to a healthy woman
As a fire hydrant is to a tree
The little yellow metal
Staunch standing water bearer
Short arms extended
Stands and waits while behind it
The Poplar branch
Births, has seasons
A woman emotes
Has suns and shadows
While I'm man made
A technical success
Who stands and waits
To feel, to become
If someone taps me, I respond
But life's sap doesn't rip
From my roots
To touch the sun and sky,
Through leaves which work
Radiant energy into life,
As my loving arms
Would hold a husband and child
Or my idea-filled mind would change lives.
I exist as a hydrant
Limitedly useful, but still.
-Elizabeth MacDonell

Now you may wonder why I would consider to use this particular poem in a blog about hope. It is very sad and more then a little tragic. Yet, when I read this poem and consider the strength it takes for this woman to be every day, to know her illness and still choose to live with it, I am filled with hope. The last line "Limitedly useful, but still." is silently triumphant. It is a banner and a cry and so very powerful. It says to me "I am not what I want to be, but I still am. I exist and thus am a being of substance".

I am inspired. I saw the Robin today (actually I saw two of them). Cheerful birds who wing their way around the treetops; collecting springs of twigs for their nests. Hope springs eternal!


P.S. 2 kitties x 4 feet each = 8 paws in total. 8 paws pounding the floor at mach chicken is very noisy. We don't live in a house - we live in a race track.

I can hear a Robin.

Somewhere in a tree very near to my house is a Robin. I know this because I can hear it. I cannot see it, but it taunts me nonetheless saying "Spring is coming" "Spring is coming".

This evening my husband and I actually got to go for a walk together with Keira. It was quite lovely to spend the time with him. The past few weeks (as every semester end is) have been nuts. Usually it is one or the other of us who takes Keira for a walk while the other is making supper or doing homework. This last semester has been undeniably the most challenging.

Half way through this semester I switched from caring from "lil'peanut" to just "little"... I am now on maternity. I have been getting all of the baby snuggles I could possibly want in and it is wonderful! I have been present for three separate births now; one cesarean section and two spontaneous vaginal births. Isn't spontaneous a funny word to use for that? I mean it makes complete sense, it refers to a birth that required no assistance. To my mind's eye though, every time someone says this I have this vision of "Voila! Look, a baby! Isn't that nice, just like that". It just kind of takes away all of the HARD work that went into that birth. Funny.

I thought it would be just the babies that I loved about this rotation, but I think I love the families just as much. I have worked with a number of different cultures and some really fantastic people. It's really quite amazing the kind of relationships you build in only 8 hours.

Anyway, seems these days that no matter where I turn there are babies. Baby shower for a friend, friend's babies who are no longer babies, and a new baby I have yet to meet, but already love. I think it is providence that a friend should have forwarded me the following link. I need to finish this degree first (and have a few babies of our own!) but then I think I am going to go for it. Hopefully they will have the program up and running by then. So, just think: This time next year I am finished my degree! That's only 12 months away...

In other news, regarding our two feline furry babies; they both have colds. Again. Sticky green snot is flying fast and thick (yes, disgusting isn't it?) at our house. But, we took them both to the vet and they now have prescriptions. So hubby and I get to pill the cats, twice a day, for 30 days. Yes, 30 DAYS!!! These infections in kitties can lay dormant for quite some time, so we are really going to try and knock it out of them. To all those who read this blog, I am asking respectfully that you consider making a donation at your local blood bank...because we are going to need transfusions!

Best thing EVER!

Ok, so I don't really have anything to say except I found something really awesome. I mean really really awesome. Words cannot explain how awesome this thing is. To check out this awesome thing, please click here.

And just because I feel like I should have a picture of something on this blog. Here you go...

Herding cats...

So I tried to have some new photos to post of Dexter and Piper, but trying to photograph those two is like well...herding cats.

Having these two babies in the house has been a bittersweet transition. Although we love them very much, we are reminded every day of Rusty and how much we miss him. Dexter paddles in his water dish just like Rusty and Piper refuses to sit still at this age, also just like Rusty. But there are differences too, Piper bites everything. Everything. Freud would say he is stuck in the oral stage. Everything must be experienced through his mouth. Shoes, toes, blankets, Dexter...you name it. He's not mean, just exploratory. Dexter has no inhibition. He loves everything and will try anything and makes the cutest little squished cat sound when Piper lands on him.

Over the past few days we have been letting them out of their room for a few hours at a time while we are home. Eric and I were upstairs; I trying to study and he resting, while the two of them were exploring. The next half an hour went like this:

1) Dexter on the bed
2) Piper on the bed
3) Keira concerned
4) Dexter running laps on the bed
5) Dexter sitting on Eric's back
6) Piper regarding
7) Keira concerned, but really wanting to play on the bed too.
8) Dexter and Piper booted off the bed, Keira invited up.
9) Dexter on the bed
10) Piper on the bed
11) Keira off the bed
12) Dexter and Piper beating each other up, usually while sitting on Eric
13) Keira concerned
14) Dexter and Piper booted off the bed. Again.
15) Keira sniffs Kitties
16) Kitties under bed...for now
17) Piper chewing on laptop cable
18) Dexter on the bed
19) Dexter chewing on text book (which now has kitty teeth marks in it)
20) Dexter booted off the bed
21) Dexter on the bed
22) Dexter OFF the bed
23) Dexter on the bed
24) Piper on the bed
25) Keira on the bed
26) Becky off the bed
27) Piper, Dexter and Keira off the bed. Laptop unplugged.
28) Eric giggling...forgets himself and wiggles his toes under the blanket.
29) Dexter on the bed
30) Piper on the bed, biting Eric's toes...under the blankets.

Lesson learned: Shut the bedroom door! :)

And since I have no picture of my own kittehs...I leave you with this LOL cat.